My Mother Ruined My Marriage

I was 8 years in my happy marriage blessed with 3 children. I was under 40 years of age when my husband suddenly developed liver disease.

On his illness, we exhausted all his savings and sold off the house we had built, halfway. Before l knew it, we began to accumulate debts; from rents to children school fees, to essential commodities. I had to withdraw children from private school to public school on the 2nd/ 3rd year of his illness.

We moved to a one-bedroom apartment from 3 bedrooms flat where we were living before his illness. I love my husband deeply. 

Every little money l received from friends and family, l used it to buy his drugs, fed my children and paid for transportation, to convey him from one revival to another; seeking healing. For good 3yrs in his sickness, l knew no man. I was tempted all along. I chose not to cheat on him.

So, when there was nobody again, l can run to meet for help; l went to my mother for help. She was a petty trader but averagely, ok. On this occasion my mother reminded me about my husband's childhood friends l discussed his greed and covetousness towards me, one time. That was when my husband sickness was a year old. 

The guy is rich but l decided to avoid him. He intended to be sleeping with me before helping out. He promised to be supporting me, my children, to help offset all my debts and help foot whatever bill or amount it may cost to get my husband’s health restored. I shared all of his promises to my mother. I expected my mother to support my courage. 

My Mother Ruined My Marriage

To my surprise, my mother asked me to accept the guy's offer. At least, it is an act based on good intentions. To take care of my children and, to save my husband's life. 

At a point, my mother confessed she had to do the same thing when she lost her first husband, in order to take good care of herself, me and my sister when we were young. When my father's family abandoned her with the responsibility of 2 children and nowhere to turn. At the conclusion of her speech, she said; there are two things that are unavoidable to all women (mothers) in a relationship. 

And, the two things were common to all. Except, those women that were lucky and never faced afflictions or adversity. 

They are
- they are potential witch when the need arises.
- they are potential prostitute and it is the power to survive.

I ignored my mum on that day and went away.

This is a true story. Nothing to be taken or added to it, please.

At a point, It got to a stage where my family and friends were dodging me. No one was ready to help. I had sold everything we got including wedding rings in a bid for survival.

The shame, stress and afflictions had gotten to the peak. Nothing to eat. My children couldn’t go to school for 4 days and crying with hunger. I was forced to go and meet his childhood friend. We began going out. As if, he had been waiting for me; we had sex every now and then. So also, he was treating me like a young lady. 

He was loving like my husband. 

He confessed he had had an interest in me, right from my secondary school days. We all went to the same secondary school. Within 2 months of our relationship, it was as if l've never experienced hardship before. 

He flees my husband out of the country to one of the private hospitals in the UK (United kingdom). Within 6 months my husband was healthy and sound. All these happened at the mid of the 4th year of his sickness. He returned back to the country at the beginning of the 5th year, which was 2 months ago. Only to ask me to pack and leave his life and children. 

He told me how l've been sleeping with his childhood friend. He got all the information right from the time he was abroad. Some members of his family that weren't there when he was terribly ill, spied on me without my knowledge. They had taken pictures of me and his childhood friend as we were having a relationship and a good time together. Whereas, l did everything as a sacrifice because of him and my children. I thought, he would understand and pardon me. 

Instead, he said l should have left him to die. My excuse was not acceptable before him and it was irritating in his ears.

Today, he served me with a divorced letter. Whereas his friend has no intentions to marry me other than to keep me as his mistress. 

My dilemma now:
- l want to be someone's wife. Not a mistress.
- Do l deserve divorce from Larry (my husband)? Because of his health and the children of which l lost my dignity after 3 and half years savage while he was terribly sick. I turned myself to a prostitute?
- Do men have hearts of forgiveness when comes to their wives cheating or committing adultery in a relationship, irrespective of the reasons?

My mother ruined my marriage. I shouldn't have followed my mother's advice. I should have left Larry to die. Life isn't fair on me.