How To Conquer Fear When Faced with A Terrifying Confession!

Fear is a feeling induced by perceived danger or threat that occurs in certain types of organisms, which causes a change in metabolic and organ functions and ultimately a change in behaviour, such as fleeing, hiding, or freezing from perceived traumatic events ... Irrational fear is called a phobia.

I was once faced with a very terrifying experience where I had to confess about a terrible sin to all my family members. It was a terrible scandal and I had to face my fears.

After my scandal, I knew my life had reached the final point. The person with which I had carried out the scandal had taken every action to make it seem like I was lying and that no one would believe me. 

I was the outsider in the family who came in later. One thing told me I had to confess and bear the brunt whether good or bad. I fought the fear of imminent rejection. When I made the startling confession; I robbed everyone of the respect they had for me. Yet, I had already made up my mind to accept the consequences of my actions. 

I knew that I could keep it as a secret as my victim had advised me and no one would know. But something deep inside me told me to confess.

When you keep such scandalous secrets, there will be a day that it will surface and surprise everyone. When you keep such secrets because of fear, you are indirectly hurting your future and making it fragile.

How many of us who are relatively happy can still smile if their secrets are released before their children, spouses, family and friends? You can see how much damage you are doing by presenting an innocent or blameless personality to yourself. When those things want to surface, you will look like a deceiver. The people who believe your ways now will be shocked and may never believe you.

I made everyone gather to listen to me. And though they passed their judgement on me, I was happy because I was feeling freer than to be holding secrets. The fear of having a secret exposed often make us vulnerable to blackmail and exploitation. Are you an addict to tobacco, sex, porn, masturbation or were you raped by a family member, or are you in an incestuous relationship?

Have you aborted many times? Are you dating another person’s spouse? Are you dating a priest? It is time to speak out. Silence is only compounding issues for you. Start talking and you will find your peace returning. Start talking and you will experience the pressure leaving you. 

Dear readers, know my stance here; I am not judging you or trying to make you feel terrible about yourself. I am rather trying to open your eyes so that you can see the boiling waiting for you in your destination should you not speak out. Some of those things happened at a time when we were not able to alter them.

Imagine what they will think about you when it comes out? How will they look at you? Well, I am sure I have opened your eyes wide enough. You can only drive a horse to the stream but you cannot force it to drink water.

When my family sentence was pronounced I instead felt relief. How many of you have cosmetic smiles? There are some people that if they meet with a particular person their day is bad already because of what the person knows.

Maybe I should remind you about the types of fear that exist before proceeding:

1. Fear of failure: When you think that people will mock if you fail in achieving something. Do your best and pray. Failure is sometimes necessary because it brings out the best in us. But fear has no advantage.

2. Fear of judgement: When you are a judgmental person and you are afraid that people around will use your ways to judge you. The issue here is with you. Stop acting the angel, understand that no one is infallible. Everyone makes mistakes. Give others peace. It will come back to you.

3. Fear of rejection: You need to accept the consequences as they come. Just remember that everyone is either loved nor hated by other people. Believe me, when you find yourself in this situation, speak out in honesty, a lot will judge and reject you. Yes, they will but there is someone who will believe that you were only humane. 

4. Fear of losing: Appreciate everything around you and make efforts to stay true. They are certain things that we even want to keep them forever. This is only elusive. When my father promised me he was going to do everything to sponsor to become a medical doctor, I could only wish to see him forever. The error here is getting too attached to the persons and people in this life. 

Try loving yourself hard. We came to this life empty-handed and that’s how we are to return. Everything has got a price. The price to the world beyond is paid through death. You cannot enjoy the beauty of a candle without burning it. when you love yourself so well, you won’t compare and won't fear to lose.

5. Fear of humiliation: You might have to swallow this bitter pill because of presenting a false image about yourself or you must have been dealing with worthless people. I remember while I was staying with some friends after I ran from one of my uncle’s place. I met this guy and after telling him my situation he accepted I could pass some time with them. I was grateful. But they couldn’t keep me for long because I contributed nothing in the running of the house. They paid all the bills and still fed me. They got tired and butted me out. I remember the day food was served as usual in front of me. My roommates had planned to make me leave. 

They told me that as I was seeing that food like that I was not going to eat. I thought they were joking; I had washed my hands. I struggled to pick up anything from the plate or pot but was prevented. I then understood it was a polite way to drive me away. This was humiliating as all our neighbours could hear and see everything.

I accepted it and moved away. You only get hurt when you make yourself too attached things or people. I had known pain by then so I just smiled and moved on.

6. Fear of separation: Have you done something (cheated on your spouse, involved in a funny activity, meeting, bank loan with telling your spouse)? You are thinking that when they get find out, you will be separated. You don’t want to lose your marriage kids, marriage etc. maybe your spouse is not the father of your children and you know you did it to save your marriage. 

You love them so much that you don’t want to hurt them with the truth. Even the bible “…the truth shall set you free”. You are playing with a time bomb. Use a great moment together and be truthful. Fear will have no place.

How to Conquer Fear:

1. Awareness: Before you can start on conquering fear, you have to be aware that your fears are causing havoc in your life. It’s easy to get so attached to your thoughts and feelings that you think they are all that exist, which couldn’t be further from the truth. You are not your fears. You are the awareness that experiences it.

2. Identify: Get specific about what exactly you are afraid of. Pay attention to the pictures you have in your head about the situation. What is happening in them? What are you really scared of? Become an observer of your inner space.

3. Curiosity: While curiosity may have killed the cat, it certainly won’t do you any harm when investigating your fears. Get curious about what thoughts generate your fear. Where do you feel the fear? How do you react to it? What colour does it have? Be an observer of what is going on.

4. The Now: What are you lacking right now? When you centre yourself in the now, you realize that everything is how it is. You naturally accept what is. Tapping into the now can be as simple as feeling your body and breath. My favourite book on the subject is Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (amazon affiliate link. I get a small share of any purchase you make at no extra cost to you). Here’s a video I made on living in the now:

5. Emotional Freedom Techniques: EFT is short for Emotional Freedom Techniques. It is also sometimes referred to as tapping. You use your fingertips to tap meridian points on your body while thinking of a fear you have and it can alleviate and sometimes get rid of the fear altogether.

6. Sedona Method: Another simple system to conquer fear is the Sedona method. It consists of asking a few simple questions while focusing on your fear. It’s so simple that I dismissed it several times before taking it seriously. Bad move on my part.

7. The Work: The Work is similar to the Sedona method in that it asks questions. Work is one of my favourite ways of dealing with fears, anxieties, and worries. There are many methods available, so pick the one that you resonate with the most.

8. Meditation: With meditation, you can program the right thoughts into your mind and eliminate negative thoughts and beliefs. This doesn’t work for everyone, but it might for you. My brother uses it to evoke positive change in his clients. Remember, this isn’t necessarily about getting rid of your fears, but learning to relate to them in a different way.

9. Gratitude: Whenever you feel fear, switch it over to what you are grateful for instead. If you’re afraid of public speaking, be grateful for the opportunity to communicate with so many people, and that they are there to genuinely listen to what you have to say.

a) Journaling: Getting your fears down on paper is important because trying to think them through doesn’t work. You get caught up in endless loops of negativity that only lead you further down the rabbit hole, and make your life miserable.

b) Talk: No-brainer advice, but how often do we hold the negative in because we are afraid of how others might react, or because of some other reason? Talking helps, but avoid drowning in self-pity, and choose the right person to talk to. If you have no one to talk to, try journaling, or find a therapist.

c) Therapy: If you can find a good therapist, therapy can be highly beneficial, even life-changing. Finding the right therapist for you can be hard. Listen to your heart and choose someone who resonates with you, such as an ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) therapist.

d) Neuro-Linguistic Programming: NLP is short for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. I’ve heard of a seminar with the co-founder, Richard Bandler. You learn how your mind works. NLP has helped thousands in eliminating phobias, fears, and other emotional problems, so it has its place, but only if it feels magnetic to you.

e) Life Coach: Do you have a fear of success or a fear of failure? A good coach can help you examine what you truly want from life, and where your fears come from. I’ve spoken to a few in my life and while it can be uncomfortable, it’s very helpful in getting clear about what you want and what’s stopping you.

f) Read: Reading a good book on your specific fear can open new doors on how you can get rid of it. I like to read a lot of motivational and inspirational work on and around the topic I’m dealing with.

g) Take Action: I’m an action taker, and I know that fears are just fears. They are created by my imagination to make reality seem scarier than it is. When you take action and face your fears, they become weaker, because you realize that reality isn’t nearly as bad as your imagination.

h) Watch: Watching a movie or a documentary can be as enlightening as reading a book. Sometimes it’s nice to distract yourself from your fear. And if you really want to, you can find dozens of movies on the fear you’re dealing with.

i) Diet: Did you know that the food you eat can have a dramatic impact on how you feel? All the processed sugars, additives, sweeteners, and other chemicals in our foods have a surprisingly powerful effect in getting our body out of balance. Stick to a clean diet that suits you. Meaning, more fruits, vegetables and whole (real) foods. Just eat a bit more each day. See what happens. You may find yourself having more energy and courage.

j) Positivity: Whenever fear strikes, flip it over. Instead of thinking of something bad that can happen, think of something positive. What’s a positive outcome to your fear? If you’re thinking about public speaking, imagine yourself being successful instead of failing horribly. This is very similar to #9, but with a small twist.

k) Perspective: Learning to deal with fear is all about putting your negative thoughts in perspective. We tend to focus too much on the negative, so by looking at all the options, you often realize that you’re making a big deal of nothing. There are so many things that could happen that it’s impossible for your mind to predict the future. We aren’t psychics.

l) Surrender: Surrendering to what is powerful, because as long as we try to change what is, we are in a war with reality. Sure, our mind may tell us that we can’t surrender. We may be afraid, but what I’ve found is that when I surrender, I find peace. I’m not giving up on life. I’m simply stopping the incessant thinking and trying to control that which cannot be controlled. There’s a subtle difference.

You have the power to control your fear, stop it from ruining your life now or tomorrow.